


I'm Too Hot (Hot Damn)

by Measured



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Community: cottoncandy_bingo, Dancing, F/M, Fluff, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-19
Updated: 2015-03-19
Packaged: 2018-03-18 13:20:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3571142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Measured/pseuds/Measured
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"See, they call it breakdancing because they broke the mold when I was born."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Too Hot (Hot Damn)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MadieBelle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadieBelle/gifts).



> [The breakdancing taunt got in](teamfortress.com/post.php?id=15904) and I had to fic Immediately. The title is from Uptown Funk if you didn't catch it. 
> 
> If Valve was the one who did the historical inaccuracy, it doesn't count, right?
> 
> For Madie, because Dentists trips are painful and often icky. She was kind enough to beta it as well.

Getting a bit of Miss Pauling's attention was like one of those really long Greek things. He fell asleep in that class and skipped the rest, but there was definitely something about Ass-dysys and the Long Ass Quest. For what, he had no idea. Scout personally figured it was for booty.

But when he did, Scout always made it count. Technically, he made every moment count, even the ones where he was sitting in his underwear in front of an episode of Star Trek, thinking that Kirk guy was one swell dude. When she was around, he pulled out his big guns. All two of them, and his pecs too, if he remembered to take off his bag so he didn't get stuck in a loop as the awkward shirt monster. 

(He'd gotten a laugh out of her by bringing the shirt monster out intentionally once or twice. His main rule was if he couldn't charm a girl, make her laugh. Chicks dug guys who made them laugh).

Miss Pauling came out to the courtyard about noon after his note, which was sooner than he expected. He didn't even have to steal a briefcase this time. Just another of the perks of kind of dating. She even braved the New Mexico sun to see him, which was known to give him sunburns in ten minutes flat. There were sunscreen dispensers in every Respawn room, due to her efforts to keep them from shriveling up. Sniper would curse at every single one. In his drunker moments, he'd even used them for target practice, much to Miss Pauling's dismay.

Nobody pulled off the ripped stockings, gunpowder burned and torn purple skirts, and blood-spattered purple blouse like she did. She pushed her hair back into place, in all her disheveled and messy glory. 

"You had something to show me?" she said. 

"Only the best show around," Scout said. He struck a pose, in case she somehow missed that it was, in fact, him. He couldn't blame her for missing it sometimes. She didn't have perfect vision, and usually an explosion caught her eye. Scout swore if Soldier or Demoman ruined another of his five minute dates with her, he was going to sit on them and talk for twelve hours straight. Not even ear plugs could block his voice out, he had a tongue of frigging _gold_. Silver tongues were for second place losers.

"You certainly never make anything boring," she said.

"Damn straight I don't. By the way, how much time do I got?" Scout said.

"I can probably spare about five before one of the other mercenaries blows something up or kills someone they shouldn't," she said.

"Five minutes? I got this," Scout said. He'd already prepped his boombox, and even put some streamers in the chain-link fence behind him for good luck. He flipped on the beats he needed for this. Tom Jones always had his back.

"See, they call it breakdancing because they broke the mold when I was born."

As the beat of It's Not Unusual started, he took a jump, and caught himself, just like he caught her eye. He lost count of the spins, his palms to the pavement, a contact high with the grit stuck in the bandages about his hands. A bit of dizziness, but he pushed himself through it. He'd weathered far worse on the battlefield, and for lower stakes.

Then, he did what none of the other guys back home could. Hell, what nobody else on this damn earth could. He spun on his elbow, balanced high and hoping that his arm didn't break this time. He didn't even tip as the burn came, flecks of rock pushed into his skin.

Scout flipped up, catching so much air, it should be illegal. He didn't even tip as he finished it off with a shrug, like it was nothing. Just another day of him being so awesome that the world tipped towards him like it was swooning. If he was Spy and spent all his time eating snails, he'd have called it his _Pièce de résistance_. Scout had memorized that line just to impress girls. Well, that and whenever he got annoyed with Spy, he'd pronounce that frog language the worst he could imagine. France filtered through Boston rage. He'd made Spy reach for the wine tons of time just by his accent alone. Of course, Spy would then fling the empty bottle at him, but Scout usually outran the shards of glass.

"You seem to be defying gravity more often than usual. I should inform you that pacts with wizards or any different otherworldly creatures are not covered under your contract," Miss Pauling said.

"Wizards? Nah, screw them _and_ their knitting league. This is all me, I'm the only wizard around here. Wizard of _cool_ that is," Scout said. He tapped his pecs, just to flaunt it. "The girls all love me, gravity is no different. You could say she's _fallin'_ for me---heheh, I should sell them, that line was so great."

"Do they now?" Miss Pauling said. There was this silky and dangerous undertone, like a hidden knife. It made him shiver inside.

"And I tell all of them that I'm taken, you should've seen how many times I told Heavy's other sisters, Bronislava was about ready to punch me in the face for it," Scout said.

She came closer. He'd lost count of the time, and everything else but breaking every other record with his dancing. And through it all, the high he got from making it didn't come close to the high of her near him.

"Did you hurt your arm? That was a pretty intense move. I don't think I've ever seen anything like it." There was this breathlessness in her voice, like when they'd been in that bread monster together, and he'd first realized a whole lot of new things about her. Every time he got to see that intensity, that wildness was a gift.

"Me? It's just a flesh wound," Scout said.

For a second, he was stuck between being stoic and awesome and possibly getting taken care of. Her lips won out, just like always. If it meant making a fool out of himself ten times over just to have a second of her time, he'd do it. There wasn't even a question.

"But, you could always kiss it better. That's always an option. Even out on the battlefield, though you should probably just stick in respawn, 'cause the rest of the guys on the other team got shit accuracy."

"I think I'll leave the battlefield healing to Medic," she said. She reached back into the bag. He hadn't even stripped it off to dance. After a few seconds of rustling, she pulled out a bottle of healing gel he'd filched.

"Uh, babe, I don't wanna kiss Medic, I wanna kiss you! I mean, I could go for you in a hot nurse outfit if you wanna compromise, but--"

"I doubt he wants to kiss you, either. Put both of your arms together and it wouldn't even match one of Heavy's pinkie fingers," she said.

Way to burst all those good feelings. He did ten whole push ups and he hadn't even gotten super ripped yet.

She leaned in to kiss his cheek. Her thumb traced over his chin. "I'm not into men who could be mistaken for bears. I'm more into breakdancers," she said.

"Fast runnin' ones who talk a lot?" Scout said.

"Okay, now you're just fishing for compliments," she said with a laugh. 

She had him there. He'd never take one compliment when he might be able get ten. Or at least say it so much that his teammates attempted to fling things at him to get him to shut up.

"So you got what, three whole minutes left?" he said. 

"All the time will probably be through when I'm done with your arms," she said. He'd like to imagine it was with just a bit of regret, a wistful smile as the stopwatch closed in on their last seconds together for the day.

"With arms like these, you're never really done. You're just gone for the minute until you're back and wanting to kiss my biceps again," Scout said. 

She rolled her eyes and laughed, but she did kiss his bicep, then his elbow, leaving a trail of plum lipstick and faint warmth. She'd made a triangle from his cheek to his arms of marks. He'd keep them as long as he could, right with the memory of leaving her breathless.


End file.
